Holding on and Letting Go

Holding on and Letting Go

While this post is about how I have held onto and let go of my son’s tangible things, It’s also about how I’ve held on and let go emotionally.  There is a strong pull in my heart and a choice I have to make daily, do I want to stay stuck in the past with Caleb or go...
My Heart On The Outside

My Heart On The Outside

I Love You More On November 19, 2019, I walked into a tattoo parlor to get my first tattoo.  I wanted a tribute to my son whom I could no longer physically share with the world.  I wanted a conversation starter, so that I could tell people who Caleb is when they asked...
My Dearest Caleb…

My Dearest Caleb…

I’ve really struggled with whether or not I wanted to share this letter.  I’ve been writing it on and off for about eight months.  My therapist suggested early on that I write Caleb two letters, one for what I would say when I got home that night and we continued our...
Broken Hearts, Faithful Prayer

Broken Hearts, Faithful Prayer

Feeling destroyed but hopeful, I prayed for God to give me a sign that he sees me, that he can hear me, that he knows I’m suffering and that he is with me.  It was October 21, 2019, the 70th day since Caleb had died and I prayed specifically for him to send me...
A Letter to Myself

A Letter to Myself

Dear mom who did everything right but your child died anyway, I watched you on Sunday, August 18, 2019, trembling as you locked the front door that evening.  It was the first night you would sleep in your house in seven days.  You didn’t want to lock the door because...