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You Don’t Want To Be Me

You Don’t Want To Be Me

If you are new to my Blog, please click here to read about my son Caleb: http://www.ajourneyforcaleb.org/caleb     You Don't Want To Be Me   I’m writing to you from the deepest, darkest pit a human could ever be in.  The pit of despair, devastation and the...

Where Is God In Suicide?

Where Is God In Suicide?

This is an account of my experience, my journey and my faith since the tragic evening of August 12, 2019, when my loving 17 year old son died by suicide.  I whole-heartedly trusted God before that day, but could I trust Him still? I’m looking over my shoulder at the...

700 Days: Healing After Child Loss

700 Days: Healing After Child Loss

This blog post was not planned.  I typically start writing a post months or weeks in advance and edit it 100 times before publishing it, but the urge was strong for me to get my thoughts and feelings about this one posted today.  There’s something to be said about...

Growing Through Grief

Growing Through Grief

When the – “That only happens to other people” – happened to me and no-one handed me a “What to do when Caleb dies handbook,” all I wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up again.  Unimaginable heartache and unanswerable questions about my son’s suicide took over my life.  In this post I share how I’ve grown through grief and how I’ve been able to “go on” in life since that tragic Monday night.

Standing Tall Through It All

Standing Tall Through It All

Standing Tall Through It All   I love Lighthouses! They really are fascinating to me.  Their purpose and how they’re always situated just off the coastline to safely bring ships to shore, resonates with me so deeply.  They stand strong in the midst of a storm and...

Capturing Our Family Again, Including Caleb

Capturing Our Family Again, Including Caleb

Capturing Our Family Again, Including Caleb       This was a big opportunity to show my girls that when I say they are worth it, I mean it.  Our most recent family photos were taken in 2018 and we typically have them done every 1-2 years.  When we...

Saturday Hurts

Saturday Hurts

For a few weeks I have been hoping and praying to have some revival in my heart this Easter weekend.  I'm seeing a lot of posts and emails about Holy Saturday, so I thought I'd clip a few and share them in a post today, Saturday, the in-between day, the...

Moving After Child Loss

Moving After Child Loss

I'm starting this post with my original post to Facebook the day we moved one year ago, and I will end it with a current update and some photos.   Moving After Child Loss   March 31, 2020 - Facebook This post is emotional, raw and heartbreaking.  I’m writing...

That First Family Vacation After Child Loss

That First Family Vacation After Child Loss

Our first vacation as a family of 4 was a much needed getaway and experience for all of us.  I came home with a fresh perspective and a shift in grief.  I saw that my life may be full of a lot of grief, pain and sadness, but it can also be full of life, energy,...

18 Months Without Caleb: The Cornerstone

18 Months Without Caleb: The Cornerstone

18 Months Without Caleb: The Cornerstone   On February 12, 2021, the 18 month anniversary since Caleb went to Heaven, my husband and I drove 6 hours to Barry, Illinois to attend a ‘While We’re Waiting’ retreat for bereaved parents.  While I was desperately...

A Thrill Of Hope, My Weary Soul Rejoices

A Thrill Of Hope, My Weary Soul Rejoices

Have you ever found yourself in an unfathomable moment? A moment when you had no idea how life would or could go on? An appointment when you learned your loved one has cancer? Your hopes of holding your newborn baby crumble at the sound of a silent ultrasound? The day...

YOU Are A Big Deal Around Here!

YOU Are A Big Deal Around Here!

If you’re a living, breathing human you don’t need to know the actual statistic to know that a lot of people attempt or die from suicide every minute of every day.  You also don't have to have lost someone you know to suicide to “know” the pain and devastation that it...

Surviving The Holidays After Child Loss

Surviving The Holidays After Child Loss

As I endure the second holiday season without my oldest child, I wanted to share about my experience last year.  Thanksgiving came just 3 1/2 months after he died, and all I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and hide until the season was over.  In November and December...

How Do I Live Without You?

How Do I Live Without You?

A few days ago I made it through the 450th day as a bereaved mother, the day I took this photo.  If I’m going to share how much pain I’m in, I might as well show it.  I came home from a hard day and went straight to my deck.  I needed to clear my head, feel the fresh...

Holding on and Letting Go

Holding on and Letting Go

While this post is about how I have held onto and let go of my son’s tangible things, It’s also about how I’ve held on and let go emotionally.  There is a strong pull in my heart and a choice I have to make daily, do I want to stay stuck in the past with Caleb or go...

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