Four Years Have Come And Gone, How Am I Really Doing?
August 12, 2023, not only marked 4 years since Caleb died, it marked the day my middle child officially outlived him because she was alive after the third day of her Senior year. The time and space leading up to that day were honestly miserable and the anticipation...
I Lost More Than A Son
Secondary losses explained
Hope In The Darkness
Where I live in Middle Tennessee, we endured a terrible wind storm recently that caused widespread loss of electricity and property damage from fallen trees. Ahead of the storm, precautions such as cancelling school for the day and bringing in outdoor items were made...
Reflections From My 2022 Word Of The Year: Build
A look into the year I built in 2022: Surviving my son’s suicide.
Finding Good Within The Bad: 5 Unlikely Things I’m Thankful For
Finding and living in the balance of grief and gratitude does not come naturally. It is a state of heart and mind learned only through suffering, sorrow and experience. This is my 4th Thanksgiving without my son since he died on August 12, 2019. Thanksgiving was my...
Working Through Guilt, Blame & Regrets
When the words "I love you" left my lips as I looked at my son for the last time, I had no idea the thought of ending his life had crept into his mind. Our last conversation was about a stupid E-Cigarette that I was sure we would continue when I returned home that...
From Nothing Into Something
If you know me or have been following me for awhile, it’s not news to you that I learn a lot from Nature. Nature speaks to me, teaches me and a lot of times it is my heart’s remedy on difficult days. After the last Spring frost, which was the end of April in 2022, I...
Navigating The Seasons of Grief
Caleb’s 18th birthday was a big celebration at a city pool with 50 of his closest friends and family, all his favorite snacks (Oreos, Skittles, Dr. Pepper) and some amazingly decorated Marvel cupcakes! Great pictures were taken and a lot of fun was had! There was...
1,000 Days A Bereaved Mother: What’s Saving My Life Right Now?
It’s so easy to name what’s killing us and we mention it all the time…My back is killing me, this job is killing me, these kids are killing me right now and so on. We don’t typically bring up in conversation what’s saving our life right now. This topic intrigued me...
Peace, Is It Possible?
In this season of Lent my spirit has been drawn to the word “Peace” over and over again and as we approach Easter, I want to take a few minutes to share what my heart, mind and spirit have been going through. Peace, Is It Possible? When my entire world crashed,...
10 Things That (Still) Make Me Smile
10 Things That (Still) Make Me Smile1. Caleb’s Snapchat When I was able to get access to Caleb’s iCloud, I saw that he saved many of his Snapchat photos and videos. There are times when I smile, cry or laugh and sometimes, I do all 3. Here are few that...
10 Things That (Still) Make Me Sad
10 Things That (Still) Make Me SadI was going to begin this post with an explanation about why I'm still sad but after thinking on it for a few days, I realized this post needs no introduction at all. What I think is sad is that I, and grievers in general, feel...
Wandering Through The Wilderness Of Woe
Wandering Through The Wilderness Of WoeMaybe, at some point in your life, you've found yourself or your family suddenly thrust into what feels like the wilderness. You know your life is forever changed, but you're not sure at all what that change will look like and...
Grief Dreams, God Winks & Caleb Kisses
Remember “Chicken Soup for the Soul?” This post is kind of like that. Here I will share about a grief dream I had and pictures that represent things I call both “God Winks” and “Caleb Kisses.” I’ve also called them “Hugs from Heaven.” With each photo I’ll describe...
Reflections From My 2021 Word Of The Year: Balance
New Year's Resolutions aren’t really my thing and I’ve picked a Word of the Year before but didn’t end up seeing it through. Throughout 2020 I felt very off balance, as I’m sure much of the human race did as well. Grief, trauma, the pandemic, moving to a new house...
The Truth About Marriage After Child Loss
The Truth About Marriage After Child Loss It is not debated that the hardest thing a couple can go through is the death of a child. You’re never prepared to bury your child after any manner of death, but child death by suicide is more difficult and complex to...
Trust Without Borders
Trust Without Borders I was recently invited by a teacher friend of mine to share Caleb’s story with his students for their Wellness Unit on depression and suicide. I was invited last year as well, but gracefully declined because I wasn’t ready. This year I...
You Pave The Way For Me
I could look up the exact time I texted my friend “911” after she didn’t answer my call on Monday, August 12, 2019, but I can’t bring myself to see the actual time this nightmare started. Since the evening hours of that horrific day, many people have had a hand in...
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